5 Reasons Why Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri is Not a Good Film

Few things first – this film is not terrible, it has some great things about it and if you want to read my initial thoughts here’s my review: https://robsfocuspull.blog/2018/01/14/three-billboards-outside-ebbing-missouri-film-review/.  I’m not writing this to hate on the film, but rather to try and understand why I didn’t like it and so many others did.  Martin McDonagh is a good director and In Bruges is one of my favourite movies of all time so this is not an attempt to slate him or the cast involved, because they are clearly very talented. The film just didn’t click for me, and here are five reasons why…

 

  1. Comedy Set – Up

This is something I discussed in my short review, because it’s probably the thing that stands out the most.  I saw the film with a big crowd, so when everyone laughed it was loud in the cinema.  There was also the sheep affect where if one person laughs, everyone else does.  From the very beginning the film is set up as a comedy with its staging, writing and character design etc so the audience was instantly laughing.  This meant that when it got to a less funny moment they were still giggling, because the film had settled them in to that kind of movie.  Consequently I stopped caring about everything that was happening, because the situations were comedic rather than dramatic.  I don’t think it’s particularly groundbreaking to make light out of serious situations or make a film that is laugh out loud funny (this film often is) that touches on deeper themes – Mcdonagh did it perfectly with In Bruges.  This film doesn’t work like that, as the situations are too outrageously portrayed.  It is made like a comedy, therefore everything out of that genre didn’t land and overall made the film uninteresting.

 

  1. Sam Rockwell’s Character

Rockwell is one of the most underrated working actors, and has loads of great roles behind him.  He’s great in this film as the twisted cop Dixon, but the character isn’t.  Similar to my first point he’s set up as a joke, to a point where he’s almost a Blazing Saddles character.  In the first half of the movie he’s a complete spoof of a racist, stupid, violent police officer.  So why should I care? He’s not written as a real person, and only becomes intriguing in the second half of the film.

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  1. Pointless Characters

This is the one that I find the most offensive, and it’s not really an offensive film.  It’s that the choices made by McDonagh on some of his characters are really strange.  Why is Willoughby’s (Woody Harrelson – the highlight of the movie) wife 20 years younger than him and Australian?  There seems no explanation to this in the film, and it adds nothing to Harrelson’s character.  Everything in a film has to be there for a reason, but there’s no reason to write her as that?  Maybe it’s a weird artistic choice or maybe it’s because filmmakers have this perverse problem of casting younger women to be wives of their male actors.  Another character that is pointless and just played to poke fun at is Mildred ex-husbands new girlfriend.  She is shown as a complete idiot, who has no function at all other than to say something daft for laughs.  Ha ha ha! Do you get it?  The husbands ran off with a younger better looking girl! But she’s fucking tool! Isn’t that hilarious?  They’ve simply aimed for the lowest common denominator here, and for me made a really ugly decision.  Why does she have to be really dumb?  Is the film not funny enough already?  They could have made her a normal human, the ex-husband character is a horrible person already – him having a girlfriend with no brain cells doesn’t make him any worse.  Just because you have a female lead, doesn’t mean you can disregard every other female character as a puppet.  Also Peter Dinklage is totally unutilised in the film, and references to his height became too frequent and dull.

 

  1. Boring Direction

This film has one great piece of direction in it, and that’s about it.  The rest of it is shot very ordinary, and at times is quite disjointed.  For dialogue he just cuts quickly between each character, making every conversation lose weight and not once did I feel McDonagh try to say something with his camera.  As well as this he occasionally makes weird jumps to action that leave you feeling a bit bemused.  There’s a bit with a knife that is so out of character and out of place that I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.  It must have been another joke.

THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE OF EBBING, MISSOURI

 

  1. The Deer

I despise it when a director has a random bit of CGI in to break the drama.  In one scene Frances McDormand talks to a deer (that looks like a cartoon) to tell her everything that she’s feeling.  AGAIN, did we need that? It pulls you completely out of the film, and it is so cringey.  After that I gave up on it all.

 

 

Like I said in my review if you go into this film thinking it as a strange comedy parable, you’ll probably enjoy it.  However the poor choices McDonagh made lead it to be nothing more than that.  It is not a good film.

Thank god ‘The Snowman’ is rubbish

Imagine a world of film where there aren’t scenes of Val Kilmer grunting in the snow?  That world would be extremely dull.  The Snowman is properly rubbish; to a point where it’s hard to comprehend just how rubbish it is.  After about the first minute it was evident that something went badly wrong during the production of this film.  Another 30 minutes passes and I’m now thinking is it all a massive joke?  Are the film-makers pulling one over us?  Otherwise it could be the worst film I have ever seen in the cinema.  And I’m quite relieved about this because quite frankly there is too much good stuff out there.  It’s really hard to make a good film, yet there have been plenty of them this year.  So thank god for The Snowman and its ability to make me laugh at its flaws.

To dissect the comedy of the film we’ll start with plot.  There is kind of a lot going on and then at the same time nothing that matters?  It is never clear what the main plotline is or what the point is.  The narrative bounces around with little connections between.  To be honest the plot of the film is the least funny part of it because it makes absolute no sense.  By the end of the film the thread of the weak murder mystery is pulled together but without any pay off.  The killer comes out of the blue (though I guessed him half way through) to give a final ten minutes that is completely baffling.  Up to this point the film had been a series of edits rather than scenes, with some characters having no ties to the main story.  There are other weird detectives other than Harry Hole (Michael Fassbender) who are present in a different city because why?  I honestly couldn’t tell you.  There is a side-plot of a sexually abusive business mogul that has no relevance to anything, that comes with an added on J.K Simmons role.  Most of all the film is one big long continuation of exposition and ex machina’s.  Every piece of information is thrown in your face and made obvious by either a weird cut or music queue.  The plot devices are numerous – including a square portable computer that the detectives have to use.  Why?  Are we in a different universe to our own? Do phones, computers, iPad’s not exist?  Nope just so we can get one shot of the bad guy deleting some files.  Preposterous.

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There is a screaming in your face problem in this film that is clear from the very start.  The editing.  It’s interesting to note that this film has two editing credits, and I assume they’re both children.  It’s edited like about thirty different people have had a go at it.  Within the first minute there must have been fifty different cuts.  It was like they shot the whole movie then realised the record button wasn’t on at the end of filming, and consequently had to cut every three seconds to make a cohesive runtime.  The film would cut to close-up and I would laugh, then suddenly it would cut to somewhere completely different and I was simply bewildered by it.  Timing in editing is massive, and this felt really off – to where dramatic moments would become comedic ones.  I cannot tell you how funny the actual snowmen in the film were, and when it cut to them I could not hold the laughter in.  The director must have been distant during this part of production as there was certainly no vision in this aspect of the process.  There are actual scenes (not really scenes) in this film where all the action is skipped through via the edit and if you manage to make it to the end you’ll know exactly what I mean.

Michael Fassbender, Rebecca Ferguson, J.K Simmons and Toby Jones are all in this film.  These are four massive and talented performers.  Fassbender is so absent throughout and combine this with his paper thin character you get a leading role that’s impossible to care about.  Ferguson has the only slightly intriguing role but never given enough chance to be engaging.  J.K Simmons is miscast and a pointless distraction.  And Toby Jones is wasted for one scene of exposition.  However none of them have anything on the totally unfathomable Val Kilmer appearance.  I have run out of words to describe his disjointed, mumbling uncomfortable attempt at whatever he is attempting.  His scenes are separate from the rest of the narrative, and I can’t for the life of me work out why he was cast.  He is clearly insane.  Which is a shame because Val Kilmer was once a great actor, and has a great Twitter – where he comes across as quite normal.  In The Snowman though he is a struggle to watch, like a cat slowly dying after it has been hit by a car.

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Go and see this film if you get the chance because it is definitely an experience.  I have so many questions for the people that made it, and I can’t even imagine the atmosphere at the premiere.  It is something I have not quite witnessed before – A film based on a popular series of books, with a famous cast and skilled director that fails on every level.  Usually bad films have one or two things wrong with them, and sometimes these bad films become more appreciated as time goes on.  The Snowman gets it wrong on pretty much every film-making basis and cannot be appreciated in any way.  Thankfully so, because the world is way more colourful when these horrid outliers occur.

 

(The actual editors of the film were not children; in fact one of them is Thelma Schoonmaker who is probably the greatest working editor.  Something dark happened to the people who made this film.)

(Also, I’m aware Val Kilmer has throat cancer, which could explain his peculiarity, but why cast him?)